Woke up this morning to coffee and cake.
Love my man!
Mittwoch, 21. Juli 2010
Montag, 12. Juli 2010
Daily author depression
When you write a book, as with all things, you create, you want people to like it.
Authors, due to some evil little thing called reviews, seem to be especially prone to something, I call spontaneous authors depression.
It just happened to me.
I know, Diamond Wolf is an either love it or hate it book.
I know that. I wrote it.
The way I see it, it´s pretty lyrical. A poem drawn out over 20+ pages.
A walk through a werewolfs inner nightmare. A little Goethe like... I Hate Goethe!!
Thank god, that thought came to me only after it was published.
But I still think, it´s a good book. It has it´s weaknesses. Being too short one of them. Contests with a 12k word count barrier suck.
I haven´t even had that OMG what was I thinking moment yet.
And then there are people who just write: couldn´t finish the book.
It´s only 20 pages.
How... HOW can it be so terrible, people can´t finish it?
What the heck did I do wrong, that people will do that?
Ugh! That hurt. That really hurt.
I´m going to curl up with a good cup of Latte Macchiato with caramel flavor now and cry over the injustice of the world. No in fact I´m going to do the laundry.
Console my shredded little heart with the mutilation of helpless socks.
Authors, due to some evil little thing called reviews, seem to be especially prone to something, I call spontaneous authors depression.
It just happened to me.
I know, Diamond Wolf is an either love it or hate it book.
I know that. I wrote it.
The way I see it, it´s pretty lyrical. A poem drawn out over 20+ pages.
A walk through a werewolfs inner nightmare. A little Goethe like... I Hate Goethe!!
Thank god, that thought came to me only after it was published.
But I still think, it´s a good book. It has it´s weaknesses. Being too short one of them. Contests with a 12k word count barrier suck.
I haven´t even had that OMG what was I thinking moment yet.
And then there are people who just write: couldn´t finish the book.
It´s only 20 pages.
How... HOW can it be so terrible, people can´t finish it?
What the heck did I do wrong, that people will do that?
Ugh! That hurt. That really hurt.
I´m going to curl up with a good cup of Latte Macchiato with caramel flavor now and cry over the injustice of the world. No in fact I´m going to do the laundry.
Console my shredded little heart with the mutilation of helpless socks.
Sonntag, 11. Juli 2010
Samstag, 10. Juli 2010
HALLELUJAH! I´m going to get cut open!
Praise the lord, I finally blackmailed, cried, begged and whimpered a surgeon into the ardeous, his skill absolutely unworthy task of cutting open the base joint of my right big toe and to remove the bursitis.
Only took 7 years. ("It´s not that big, it´s only the position that hurts so much" Thanks alot, idiots)
So, on Wednesday morning, I´ll get up, be a happy, giddy girl and hope uh... I´ll sleep through surgery.
Not like last time in January.
Did I mention? When they removed the nails and wires from my previously broken ellbow (double olecranon fracture July 17th last year)... I woke up. In the middle of surgery....
In hind sight funny as hell. I scared some surgeons to death. Hehe
Wasn´t that funny, when it happened.
Tthough, thanks to my really fucked up relation to pain, I just did, what there is to do, when you have a big cut and hole in your arm. Screamed.
Let it come. Open your arms. Say hello and scream.
Nothing like it.
Oh yeah, it hurt like hell, but there is nothing as powerful as true pain. At least, when you know, it´s going to end at some point.
When you don´t, it´s just grating on your nerves and you´re willing to do everything to stop it. Everything
At some point, death will always become and option.
Anyways. This pain will end on Wednesday.
The anesthesiologist, had this twitch of panic in his eyes, when he checked my file. Same hospital as in January.
He paled. Then he had this very careful smile. Which turned even more careful, when I smiled back.
This kind of smile, you use with dangerous animals, kids and madmen.
I think I will sleep through this time. You´ll be the first to know on the net ;)
PS: Am I the only one who thinks, my keyboard battery is about to die. Somehow I´m missing one third of letters ^^
Only took 7 years. ("It´s not that big, it´s only the position that hurts so much" Thanks alot, idiots)
So, on Wednesday morning, I´ll get up, be a happy, giddy girl and hope uh... I´ll sleep through surgery.
Not like last time in January.
Did I mention? When they removed the nails and wires from my previously broken ellbow (double olecranon fracture July 17th last year)... I woke up. In the middle of surgery....
In hind sight funny as hell. I scared some surgeons to death. Hehe
Wasn´t that funny, when it happened.
Tthough, thanks to my really fucked up relation to pain, I just did, what there is to do, when you have a big cut and hole in your arm. Screamed.
Let it come. Open your arms. Say hello and scream.
Nothing like it.
Oh yeah, it hurt like hell, but there is nothing as powerful as true pain. At least, when you know, it´s going to end at some point.
When you don´t, it´s just grating on your nerves and you´re willing to do everything to stop it. Everything
At some point, death will always become and option.
Anyways. This pain will end on Wednesday.
The anesthesiologist, had this twitch of panic in his eyes, when he checked my file. Same hospital as in January.
He paled. Then he had this very careful smile. Which turned even more careful, when I smiled back.
This kind of smile, you use with dangerous animals, kids and madmen.
I think I will sleep through this time. You´ll be the first to know on the net ;)
PS: Am I the only one who thinks, my keyboard battery is about to die. Somehow I´m missing one third of letters ^^
Dienstag, 6. Juli 2010
The Good, the bad and the nerves
Oh yes, nerves...
I haz them!
Tomorrow morning at 8:45 I´ll be starting the last 45 minutes of my apprenticeship.
Oral exam.
DO you know this mix of jitterish, but it still doesn´t feel real?
Yeah? I hate it!
Tried to distract myself, by checking through some old writings.
I have a full book sitting on my external and two 30k pieces.
Chose the sequel to Diamond Wolf. OMG!
How can possibly be that bad a writer?
I mean c´mon... ugh. Complete rework please, and fast.
How the heck did I manage to write two pansy, fancy girlies?
*sigh*
So much for that.
On a good note, my lawyer just wrote an email to tell me, I´ll be getting some more money from the insurance of that poor driver who´s car door plucked me of my bike last year. HEHE.
Since it´s BMW company car insurance, no pity.
I had no idea, how much money a multiple fractured olecranon can bring.
But it´s highly welcome.
Had to go to the hair dresser on Saturday to look all pretty and shiny for the exam.
100 €!
Holy COW!
OK, I look totally great. They even managed to correct some bad errors the last hair dresser did, but... meep?
Thought about manicure... let it drop. Another 40 € just aren´t in the budget.
I should go on, learning my presentation by heart.
But I want to write. Can someone please clone me?
I haz them!
Tomorrow morning at 8:45 I´ll be starting the last 45 minutes of my apprenticeship.
Oral exam.
DO you know this mix of jitterish, but it still doesn´t feel real?
Yeah? I hate it!
Tried to distract myself, by checking through some old writings.
I have a full book sitting on my external and two 30k pieces.
Chose the sequel to Diamond Wolf. OMG!
How can possibly be that bad a writer?
I mean c´mon... ugh. Complete rework please, and fast.
How the heck did I manage to write two pansy, fancy girlies?
*sigh*
So much for that.
On a good note, my lawyer just wrote an email to tell me, I´ll be getting some more money from the insurance of that poor driver who´s car door plucked me of my bike last year. HEHE.
Since it´s BMW company car insurance, no pity.
I had no idea, how much money a multiple fractured olecranon can bring.
But it´s highly welcome.
Had to go to the hair dresser on Saturday to look all pretty and shiny for the exam.
100 €!
Holy COW!
OK, I look totally great. They even managed to correct some bad errors the last hair dresser did, but... meep?
Thought about manicure... let it drop. Another 40 € just aren´t in the budget.
I should go on, learning my presentation by heart.
But I want to write. Can someone please clone me?
Samstag, 3. Juli 2010
Freitag, 2. Juli 2010
Good morning - The poem
My alarm clock is laughing at me
"Congratulations!
It´s 7:30 am.
You just missed the start
of your classes."
"Don´t matter", I say,
"Isn´t the first time",
turn around
and go on sleeping.
Back in school, I had a huge problem to be punctual.
So huge, in fact, that my math teacher once asked me, what the heck I´m was in class already, when the alarm hadn´t sounded yet.
Everybody knew it and at some point, nobody cared anymore. They just sighed and ignored me, as I crept in one or two minutes late.
In 11th grade, we had a project week and I was part of the poetry project.
Which included the composition of a poem and a reading in front of the whole school. (oh, and a little book of our collected works. My first time being published ;))
I´ve never seen my teachers laugh louder or longer, than that day, when I recited this poem to them.
Abonnieren
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