Montag, 5. Dezember 2011

Feeling ok - random thoughts

Feeling ok today.
Head hurts. Thoraic spine is all fucked up again.
But for the rest.
No inflamed ligaments, no random joint pain.
Even managed to convince myself that my new skin care regimen helps with the micro inflammations on my facial skin.

Got some time for random thoughts. At work of all places... I mean, were else would I start thinking about special needs? got me thinking.

I´m a very faithful reader of this blog. One of many I´m sure.
ANd today it got me thinking about special needs adults.
I mean... everybody is talking about special needs kids.
Are there special needs adults?
What actually are we?
Do I have special needs?
I don´t usually think of myself as disabled.
Broken, yes.
Often less than full funtioning, absolutely.
But special needs?
I don´t even have a disabled person´s paper. (You get those in Germany to proof that you really apply for disabled benefits like reduced prices and such)
I can´t truly wrap my head around this idea.
But then... I function. Most of the time nobody notices that something is wrong, or just how much is wrong.
Not even my man.
And he is the one who lately lamented, that he couldn´t stand the pain I was in anymore and there had to be something to help me. (isn´t that sweet?)

So, do I have special needs?
I don´t need a wheelchair (yet and wont hopefully ever), I sometimes need some of those fancy joint support things (mostly wrists, since I haven´t yet found one that really helps in keeping my shoulders settled and I am just too freaking stubborn to wrap my feet, ankles and knees and there just isn´t anything to keep my pelvis/spine joint in line), I need alot of walking time at work, because sitting for prolonged periods is hell for me and what I truly, desperately and totally need is a little downtime now and then... and just a bit of understanding.

Is that special needs?
I might have gotten through my childhood with those just fine, since I didn´t have any of it and through just as well.
Seems, like I´m not special needs at all.
Just a little more broken than others.
But then, why I do feel so much at home, when I read about all those kids who need a little more, a little something else, than the rest.
Would I be as broken, as I am now, if anybody had notice, what was going on inside my crazy body?

Who knows?

Now, I´m just walking on, no matter if the nerves in my hand are acting up, as they´re doing right now (and there goes the feeling good. Bleh), no matter if my joints are killing me, my muscles are spasming like there was no tomorrow.
I just go on. Just like everybody else.

Question still not answered. Perhaps I need a little more. But I can get by, just like the rest.
It´s December already, btw. January is Lothaire time.

Yay, Kresley Cole!

*whispers* and soon it´s Christmas!

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