Sonntag, 23. Mai 2010

OCD much?

I tend to believe I´m a mentally healthy person... that was, until my primary care physician pointed out to me, chewing on your nails and fingers until you bleed is most likely an OCD related disorder.

Wait, did he say OCD?! What the heck.

So, I have this uncontrollable urge to nibble, chew and pick on the skin of my fingernails, granted, it bleeds now and then, and usually my fingernails and the surrounding skin look more like the battlefield of Verdun... after the battle, but hell.... OCD sounds serious, behavioural therapy and all.

I´ve been doing this since I was a child and YES I understand, after some soul searching, where the OCD part comes from. It´s soothing. It´s centering. It helps concentration. And no, I can´t stand having even the tiniest bit of skin not in order on my fingers.

So, OCD, here we go.

But before I go down the road with psychotherapy and what not, I´ll try the self help approach, which brings me to this post.
A good friend lately dragged me into a nail studio. Me...

And, for totally impressive 5 weeks now, I am the proud owner of fake fingernails. (and still trying to learn to type with those)
And the first thing I noticed, was how freaking hard it is to pick on the skin around your nails with those... claws!
And since it was so conveniently impossible, I decided to try and break the habbit.

5 weeks later. I still pick, at least I try.
I´m a little stressed out, because I can´t calm myself with pulling the skin of my fingers and the absolutely rewarding feeling of nail biting is out too. Damn!

On the plus side... I suddenly am the owner of ten not bleeding, not open, not reddened, infected or hurting fingers.

I like how they look, but honestly, right now I´m dying to dig my teeth into the skin and rip it off until I can taste blood.

Isn´t some soul searching just a beautiful thing?

What can I say... OCD much?

I´ll keep you updated

And now I´m going to file my fingernails.
How´s that for compensation ;)

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